The Psycho Puerto Rican: A lesson in Ego

Sooooo. Throughout this journey, you hear a lot about ego death/integration. You hear a lot of what ego sounds like. What ego may look like. What it may feel like.

But, I think the breakthrough is when you RECOGNIZE it. That's when the light switch turns on. When you name her, see her, recognize her, smell her even.

You go throughout this journey listening to SO MANY other people! Outside of yourself and that is what I constantly try to steer our community away from. The answers are all within yourself.

So, lets talk about the moment I recognized my ego.

Yesterday was a REALLY rough day for me. I had opened myself up to anger and hurt. Something along my journey that I had to release about 7 months ago. I allowed myself to stoop to someone else's level because of ego.

Because I am recognizing my ego as my need for justice. It comes up as a need to protect myself when I feel I have been wronged or portrayed in a malicious way or any way that makes my ego feel a certain level of self righteousness.

AND BOY IS SHE A SNEAKY BIIIISSSHHHHH!!!! Because it takes a very small shift to slip right into egotistical beliefs or ways and its like quicksand. Once you step in, it's barely noticeable and then you're standing hip deep in there looking around like how the hell did I get here.

I recognized her yesterday. I got triggered. I uttered my famous angry words "They don't want to see the psycho Puerto Rican!" and it dawned on me later last night that the Psycho Puerto Rican is my ego. She comes out enraged, claws out, ready to defend all 5 feet of us, but also ready to prove a point, ready to give up, and give in to societal pressures because if this is what it's like we don't need this.

See how sneaky that bish is. She just comes in under the guise of protection, but really it's more like being delusional because you think you're under attack.

It's a hard battle to face, but you've already tackled half of the battle once you recognize your own Psycho Puerto Rican. Ego lives in us all and sometimes we're going to be blinded. Sometimes we aren't meant to catch it right away. Because we truly have to learn our lessons.

And so yesterday, I can say I learned one of my biggest ego lessons yet.

Ego is all talk. No action. Saying shit just because you feel like it. Not caring how badly it may affect you in the long run because in that moment you just don't give a damn. You'll say anything in that moment to make you feel better, but does that actually make you better?

We cannot hold it against ourselves that we slip back into those moments. In essence, that is all they are. Don't allow those moments to define you, boo.

We got this. Keep going.

Channeled Song : Bring Me To Life - Evanescence